Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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