I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You are the jesus of drinking
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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