this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
