You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
