Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
