At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
