Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
