just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
