Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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