i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
