Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
