You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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