I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
