So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
