If that was your dad, he is hot
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
