And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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