one two three fourrrrnication!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
