well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
