Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
