i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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