genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
