Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
