The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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