Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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