Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
