What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
