and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
