I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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