If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
