maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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