Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
