so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
