Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
