She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
