Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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