I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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