there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
