She is in my trunk
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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