I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
