i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
