Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
nutella sex= disaster
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
