felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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