dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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