I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
only you would photoshop your dick
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
