Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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