i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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