Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Randomize
