My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
