the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
