so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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