I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
did you just send me my own nude
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
