M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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